


Sexy Pickle

by justabi



Category: Smallville
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-07-20
Updated: 2004-07-20
Packaged: 2017-10-02 08:55:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justabi/pseuds/justabi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So, should I put this in the cart or did you want to ogle it some more?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sexy Pickle

**Author's Note:**

> For aurora_bee who wanted CLex and the line "how can a pickle be sexy"...

Chloe and Clark walked up and down the aisles of the giant grocery chain store. Clark was amazed at the sheer volume of food in the store, while Chloe was more taken by the variety of items available. It was their first foray into mature adulthood, shopping for groceries for their shiny new apartment. Okay, the shine was from condensation of the humidity on the high gloss latex paint. And they were the only ones who would seriously call an apartment not redecorated since before they were born new, but damn it, it was new to them. And it had no food in it, so shopping.

"We need to get some vegetables," Chloe pointed out to him as he loaded the cart with 15 kinds of sugar masquerading as cereal.

"Fine, let's hit the produce aisle. I doubt that they will have anything as good as back home, but we can look."

"We didn't all grow up on an organic produce farm. I'm sure what ever they have will be fine."

They rounded the corner and were met by a huge area filled with every kind of fruit or vegetable imaginable. Chloe pressed her hand against the bottom of Clark's slack jaw, pushed it closed and laughed. They came to the first display and she picked up a giant stalk of white asparagus. Clark blushed furiously. She made a slightly obscene gesture with her hand over the innocent stalk and Clark coughed, his eyes huge and dilated for a moment before he made a lame attempt at fake laughter.

"Is there something wrong, Clark," Chloe asked sweetly with mock sincerity.

"Uh, no. No problem here. Everything is fine."

"Uh huh. So, should I put this in the cart or did you want to ogle it some more?"

"I wasn't ogling the asparagus!"

"Well, it is kind of sexy."

"Please, please do not start with that, Chloe. I never should have told you I liked guys."

"What, like everyone who looked at you and Lex together couldn't tell you were fucking."

"Chloe!"

"Fine. No more sexy vegetables."

She managed not to say anything about the carrots and the cucumbers with some difficulty but then they rounded the display case housing the bananas.

"Oh, Cla-ark," she said, waggling the long, thick, turgid *fruit* in her hand. Clark was getting pink again. When she started petting it Clark looked like he wanted to die right there in the middle of the grocery store.

"Put that in a bag before someone sees you fondling the produce and kicks us out of the store."

She found some particularly phallic looking mushrooms and since it wasn't a fruit or a vegetable she felt that it was her right to continue teasing Clark.

"Hey, Clark, I know that you and Lex are pretty exclusive, but my friend here is a real fun guy," she said in her best lecherous voice while brandishing her fungus find in his face. He was blushing again. He was so easy.

"Ha ha. You are so funny Chloe. You should forget journalism, comedy is really where your talent lies." Though his tone sounded normal, she could tell by the way he was walking with the cart right in front of him and never turned away that he was more affected by her innuendo than he admitted.

They headed over to the meat department. Chloe didn't say anything about that. She was being mature. No jokes about Clark liking the meat. She didn't ask if he was buying so much because Lex wasn't giving him enough meat. She didn't. But she couldn't help staring meaningfully at the gigantic polish sausage hanging in the last case. Actually, it wasn't really just to mess with Clark. She had gotten herself knee deep in a phallic food kink and she blamed Clark. When he saw her staring at it, licking her lips, he made a little noise. They stood there just looking at the full, thick piece of meat that they ended up having to buy it or look like perverts to the butcher.

They didn't talk about it. They just moved on. Everything was fine until they hit the fancy condiment section. There was some kind of huge olive bar and half the stuff there looked like Colorado Oysters. They both held a pair of humongous, wrinkled olives in their hands and rolled them experimentally before putting them in a container to purchase. And then they came upon the pickle bar. Clark looked at her, flushed and expectant.

"Clark, how can a pickle be sexy?!" Clark cleared his throat and looked at the jar of pickles the size of a well hung horse. "Ew, gross! It's all warty!"

"It says it is hard and has a nice salty tang that is nice on my tongue. I miss Lex."

"I am so telling him that you are replacing him with a pickle when he gets back from Hong Kong."

"Practice makes perfect."


End file.
